I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
