on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
