if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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