I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
