Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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