Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
