I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
