i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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