Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
