So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
