In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
