If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
