we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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