So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize