I want you more than these girls want KFC
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
