Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize