Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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