I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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