My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
