Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
