I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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