Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
