maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
