She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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