i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We got so high we made milksteak
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
