brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
