OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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