i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
