One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
