You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
