Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
