Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
