Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
