This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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