that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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