Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
