i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
