If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
