They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
