What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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