I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
