Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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