She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
