yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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