and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
