I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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