HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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