apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
