i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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