he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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