Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
