He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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