at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let's paint friendship bongs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
