I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
