I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
