you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize