Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
