Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
