Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
