You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
