So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
