please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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