I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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