WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
