I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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