so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
