you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
