Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
