I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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