Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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