Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
