He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
