She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize