I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
