had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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