The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and she was petting her beer can
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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