I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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