i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
