I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
