Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
