i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
