like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize