My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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