she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
