I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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