Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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