im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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