She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
