is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
