Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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