I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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