Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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