haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
