If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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