Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I intend to get homeless drunk
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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