Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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