i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize