Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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