I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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