My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
