He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
