my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize