I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
