you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
whose parrot is this?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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