I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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