Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You need Xanax blowdarts
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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