Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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