i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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